So, I’m sitting here eating green jello.

Yes, I am having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Damn. My doc has been bugging me since I turned 50 and I finally caved, so I am sitting here waiting for the sh*t to hit the fan.

I must say that the anticipation, the fear, the absolute terror of what’s going to happen when the poop-drugs kick in has truly motivated me. I went to the Detroit Institute (Institoot?Bahaha) of Arts this morning with a friend to see Rembrandt-The Faces of Jesus. It was an excellent exhibit. Then we stopped at Panera Bread and I had chicken boullion for lunch. Nummers. Then I came home, took my “pills” then fed the chickens and goats, watered all the house plants, started a load of wash including dog toys and blankets, and then VACUUMED the family room. Maybe I should have colonoscopies biweekly. The sheer fear has me getting my house in order! OMG. LOL.

I guess as inspiration I should now go read Dave Barry’s hilarious post about colonoscopies.

Then you may not hear from me until tomorrow.

Oh god, aging is fun. šŸ™‚

Hey, thanks to the folks who have sent me cards/notes! It’s SO fun and I am working on mine! I’m much more enthused than I thought I would be!

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48 Responses to So, I’m sitting here eating green jello.

  1. madtante says:

    You haven’t had one before? If you don’t have general GI or hemorrhoid problems, you will have no problem other than the shits.

    I have serious enough GI probs that my gastroenterologist and proctologist actually WAIVE normal checkups to not damage my guts. Yay!

    Anyway, I hope you don’t have issues and this is a normal, preventative thing. Most ppl say they “enjoy” the nice drug rest tomorrow šŸ™‚

    • Lauri says:

      Haha, I will enjoy the drug rest! And yes, it’s just a checkup thing!
      I hate feeling weird because my blood sugar is all sucky, but whatever. It will be over tomorrow!

    • Lauri says:

      Are your GI problems the result of autoimmune problems? The lupus? I know you are GF, but is there a component of autoimmune in there? I always felt there was.

      • madtante says:

        Yes, my GI issues are “due” to lupus BUT finding out about the gluten issue was FROM elimination testing for lupus triggers…so there you go! Mum (our lupus is the rare, congenital form and I have other autoimmune things — as does she:) has Crohns/ Ulcerative Colitis as well but testing negative for Celiac. IMO she should look at MY example (not my “good” deeds but that it fs me up) and cut out gluten in hers. She even admits she can take highly processed breads but nothing more substantive. Erm…can’t take it? Stop eating! Anyway–can’t tell an anorexic/ bulimic to stop eating when she weighs 80lb but she needs to eat THE RIGHT THINGS not things that contribute.

        After reading what little I have about leaky gut (in relation to gluten, whatever spot on the spectrum you are from “sensitive” to “Celiac”–I consider myself in between–“intolerant”), I’d say ANYBODY with migraines, skin issues, hair loss (women) and ANY autoimmune issues should just TRY going 100% GF for one month (or more). Just see, you know? Cos it looks like if you’ve got a weakness, it fs with you!

        I was thinking about you last night when I went to bed. “Wonder if Lauri’s poopin–prolly!”

        I hope you get the good drugs and have an easy time today!

        • Lauri says:

          My daughterinlaw has felt SO much better since she went gluten free. She is also dairy free….hmmm…eggs, too? I think so.
          The colonoscopy is over. It was no problem. Well, I hated every second of the prep, but had a nice nap during the procedure and all is well. I was going to make a post that said “My colon got two thumbs up!” but I thought that’s just wrong. šŸ˜›

  2. …as I read your post while eating lunch. haha! Good luck!

  3. Ooh, you are in for so much FUN. I don’t suppose you started taking the colon-sweeping meds yet? The pharmacist warned me when I got my “colonoscopy packet” not to leave the house once I started taking the meds, because I’d want to be close to a bathroom—like less-than-a-minute close.

    But seriously, I’m glad you’re doing this. My doc said I only had to do it once every 10 years, since my first one was good, no polyps or any worrying things. One of my neighbors in Minnesota wasn’t so lucky: she waited until she was 75 to get her first, and they rushed her into surgery as soon as the results came back. She was gone in two years, because the cancer spread so quickly. If Dad had gone in earlier, they probably would have found his tumor before it started blocking his intestines. It really is important to catch those pesky polyps early.

    And I’m jealous you got to see a Rembrandt show. It’s always worth seeing Rembrandts up close and real.

    • Lauri says:

      Yes, I am glad I am getting this over with. I start drinking the liquid flushing solution in 10 minutes! Wheeee!
      The show was excellent. The DIA had it all nicely arranged. The crowds were crazy, but it all worked out perfectly.

  4. doranyc says:

    Two words: Tucks Pads.

  5. Lurkertype says:

    That liquid is from hell. It’s much worse than the actual tube up your butt. Think of all the appreciation you’ll have for solid food, though!

    We had some Gatorade left over after Mr. LT’s. Which came in really handy the morning after we had all the food and ALL the wine. I wasn’t quite hungover (shifty eyes) but I was super-dehydrated.

    • Lauri says:

      I chose the “lemon-lime” flavor. It’s more “Troll’s Asscrack” flavor than anything. My god!!!

      Yeah, dehydrated, that’s the ticket! šŸ˜‰

  6. marilyn says:

    Not that I’ve had one yet ( I know ,my bad) but they are sooooo much better then they used to be. We as techs had to be in the room back then…..yuck…now it’s quick and painless! You’ll be fine..then start bugging me to get on the stick lololol Love you

  7. stevebetz says:

    Oh — good luck! My bro and sis both got their’s around 50. I’m not far behind… get it, behind? oh nevermind…

  8. crankypants says:

    Oh sounds like fun tonight and fun tomorrow, aren’t you lucky?!
    I hope everything comes out okay in the end.
    (that’s the sound of the flushing terlet)
    Seriously though. I hope everything turns out to be normal!

    • Lauri says:

      Hahaha. I’m glad you pointed out that was a torlet flushing.
      Yeah…it should be normal. Something has to be! šŸ˜‰
      Damn I can’t wait for this to be over!

  9. Redscylla says:

    Having witnessed my mother’s preparations, I was going to recommend elastic waist sweat pants, skip the undies, and invest in some baby wipes. Hope it’s relatively easy and strictly routine.
    My doc has started pressuring me about mammograms. I assume the colonoscopy lectures will start in a few years. Yay.

    • crankypants says:

      I always keep baby wipes on hand anyway.
      LOL @ “pressuring” you about the mammograms. Perhaps an unintential funny but still a good one.

      • Lauri says:

        Hahaha. I didn’t catch that about pressuring the mammograms. Good one!

        The procedure is done and I’m good to go. *D’oh*!
        Now I won’t (technically) have to have another for ten years. Guess what….ten years = never!

  10. I got to have one of those at 40-something because I was having other issues and my dad’s mother had colon cancer.

    I did not mind all the pooping … I was just amazed that so much came out! And I had an endoscopy at the same time (lucky me!) so I was knocked out completely and have very little memory of the rest of the day. But I was well rested.

    I did make sure to ask the doc if they used the same tube for both scopes … and if they did to PLEASE do the endoscope FIRST!

    • Lauri says:

      OMG…..most definitely the endoscopy first. LMAO.

      I was out like a light, too. They used propafol or whatever it was that Michael Jackson liked too much. I can see why he liked it.

      • Redscylla says:

        LOL!!! You all are cracking me up. Now Larui’s hooked on the King of Pop’s favorite drug. But I guess dying in your sleep is better than dying on the terlet like his ex-father-in-law.

  11. amelie says:

    Best wishes, Lauri! I hope you’re home comfortable now and cuddling with the critters! You’re smart to have this done, an ounce of prevention zzzzzz oh just ignore me. šŸ˜‰

    LOL green jello, Bill Cosby would be proud!

  12. robpixaday says:


  13. Laurie says:

    I wanted a burger so bad as my first solid food after. What did you have?

    I did not get a good nap during — they only sedated me, didn’t put me right out! It was awful.

    • Lauri says:

      I had a scrambled egg and some pecan peach bread! But, I wasn’t really hungry, I just wanted to sleep!
      I was out like a light, next thing I know I am going “It’s over already?”……put me back to sleep!
      Ugh…only sedating you just ain’t right. šŸ˜¦

  14. GOF says:

    Hope the results are all good news for you Lauri.
    After reading all these comments my buttocks are firmly clenched.

  15. Crap, that brought back memories best forgotten.

  16. homebody says:

    I’m late reading this … am glad to see you got good results.
    Reading your headline reminded me of a family joke we had about jello and how my mom would never eat it again, but as I start writing this I realize it’s not going to be funny … so never mind. šŸ˜›
    Anyway, hope you don’t have to go through a colonoscopy again for a long time!

  17. Kathy says:

    Too funny. Glad you survived this with a few laughs. I’ll be due for my 3rd one of these in less than 2 years. NOT looking forward to the prep any less than the first two. Got the family history curse hangin’ over me. Maybe by then the two gallons of PEG won’t be necessary (the flavor: seawater stored in plastic jugs for 15 years, then used to put out a fire, and filtered for your drinking pleasure). ‘Troll’s Asscrack’ is definitely a keeper…

    • leendadll says:

      Have they offered you the flavor additive?!? Gawd, what a waste of effort.. “mmm… barely lemon flavored ocean water”. And the office I went to told me that it was “okay to sip 7up between glasses of PEG”.. another huge mistake… i just “refreshed” my taste buds so the 2nd glass was 1,000x worse than the first. I stopped that right away! I never did finish the whole thing… I gave up about 2/3 through it.

  18. leendadll says:

    I’m completely envious that you got the pill “cleanser”. I had to do the 1 gal liquid and am not joking when I say NEVER EVER AGAIN – NO MATTER WHAT! It was seriously like trying to drink a gallon of ocean water. At one point, I had a 1-hour stare-down with the bottle, willing it to disappear (I lost).

    Glad the procedure went well.

    • Lauri says:

      Oh gawd. I had the pills AND the ocean water. Three liters to drink between 5 pm and 8 pm and then 1 more liter to down between 5 am and 6 am the morning of the probing.
      It was HORRIBLE. (not the procedure, the drinking of the ocean).
      I hated every minute of that prep day and yeah…I am pretty set that I will not be doing that again, either!

      • leendadll says:

        oh, gross. At least I had a good 12 hours to get that crap down. The scary thing was that my original problems were so bad that the effects were no worse than what I was dealing with every day of my life. But the taste? Oh, hell no!

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