Worried about me.

We are going to see Great Dane pups on the weekend, and I had a massive animal-hoarder/clutter nightmare last night. I awoke thinking that I only do things such as gather animals and houseplants and fish so that I have an excuse for the chaos around me. The thought of a new puppy amidst all this mess freaked me completely out.

As I woke up more I became more determined to get control of all this crap, whether we get a puppy or not. The thought a new Dane baby makes me all excited/anxious. Maybe we will see them and decide it’s not the time. So, no pressure there, really.

I just wonder about my motivations. Do I use work/animals/depression over hearing something upsetting as a reason to avoid keeping my house in order?

I have been clearing and sorting and moving crap but I can’t tell that it’s getting any less. It’s just moved around. πŸ˜› The avalanche before the actual clearing, I guess.

I guess I have to take some control over myself and quit using outside circumstances as an excuse. I need to put clean laundry away, not stack it six feet high on my dresser.

Most days I manage to work/feed animals/care for plants that need it/cook something. But that’s it.

My scheffelara(sp?) has aphids or something. It’s a massive plant and I should haul it into the shower and give it a bath with dishsoap.

Sigh. Ugh…gotta run. I’m a nut.

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34 Responses to Worried about me.

  1. elizabethannewrites says:

    *hugs* Using other things as reasons/excuses to not get at the clutter doesn’t mean you’re a hoarder, it means you’re a human being.

    I seriously need to work on my storage room. And my writing room. Maybe we can work together? I will be posting something on http://serenityathome.blogspot.com probably tomorrow about the need to get at the storage room, and actually DO something instead of just talking about it.

  2. amyhftw says:

    The fact you are worried about it is a good sign that you aren’t crazy. Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy.

    Just pick one thing at a time. As a co-worker once told me, “cut wood, carry water.” Meaning – just start doing SOMETHING, however un-fun it might be. Once you get started, you have a better chance of keeping going. So focus on putting away all the laundry. Have a big bag ready for donations and anything you don’t really want anymore, put it in the bag. That way as you put things away, you are also making room for what you want.

    Which could be more room for critters! πŸ˜€

    • Lauri says:

      I like the Cut wood, carry water” saying!

      And thanks for saying I’m not crazy. I just had so many things whirling through my brain in the night….it was the weirdest feeling. I consciously know many of the things I am worrying about and some things just can’t be helped. But, Ken and I discussed the Penn State child abuse tragedy a LOT last night and I’ll bet that discussion didn’t help things. My brain was NOT happy!

  3. madtante says:

    While coming from me, it may mean nothing — or something worse than nothing — I don’t think you’re a nut.

    Hoarding (animal and stuff) is complex. I’m junky but not a hoarder (although I fear I’ll turn into one, as Gram did her last 5 years on the planet…then again, who gives a fuck once you’ve passed 65? Who did she have to impress?). My other thing I I love to delete/ chuck. If I weren’t POOR, I’d have even less.

    There’s a certain logic to it, really. I *can* use a bunch of stuff, even broken. I was raised doing so, making do. I never got new clothes (wore hand me downs from Brother and the BOY cousins) unless Gram made them for me. When she stopped, it was thrift stores and finally new clothes like I buy now: only from clearance racks. There’s nothing wrong with that and it has certainly helped me stay debt-free. BUT I also know I have this little scared mouse feeling (moreso the past 4 years of layoffs and income cut-backs) that LIKES being surrounded by stuff.

    And nobody would call me a hoarder! So, if you do have a hoarding problem, I think I may understand. Or not. But I’m sorry you feel overwhelmed.

    I think when we make a change it’s because we’re no longer comfortable with the way things are. Some people crave change and me? I want to be safe. Don’t know if any of that helps. You may go, “Erm, she totally missed where I’m coming from.” If so, sorry and I’m hear if you want to talk!

    • Lauri says:

      I think you got it perfectly well, mt! And you are right…I usually don’t make changes until I reach some peak of discomfort! So, this might be it!

  4. crankypants says:

    Ahhh, clutter causes anxiety, we all know that. I think you’ll know when you meet the pups if you are up for it right now. I would imagine it would be hard to resist but I also think at this point, you would heed anything that said, ‘omg, so cute but I can’t handle the work of a new baby’. Of course you have other animals to help keep the poopy entertained and exercised, so that’s one thing in your favor whereas for me, it’s different.
    But I totally know where you are coming from with those anxiety dreams, I was telling Dora last wkend about my anxiety dreams. One is the Bathroom Anxiety Dream, one is the Travelling With Too Much Stuff (or Moving With Too Much Stuff) Dream and the third which is often in conjunction with the 2nd, is the Unleashed Elvis Anxiety Dream.
    I honestly believe that if/when I get control of my Stuffs, many of these dreams will subside. (that’s a big IF!!)
    Anyway, just breathe. You’ll be okay. Whatever happens will be OKAY.

    • Lauri says:

      OH my gosh…there was a Traveling Anxiety Dream stuck in there last night, too. I had forgotten until you mentioned it. Amidst all the clutter and worry about caring for things I was trying to pack a suitcase that would not close, trying to find tickets and boarding passes that were not printed and missing a train that would not stop. GAH.

      I have Bathroom Laziness Dreams, where I am too tired to wake up and just go pee, so I dream I can’t find a bathroom, or every one I find has no doors or the toilet is on the ceiling or something else weird.
      It must be the increased “obvious” clutter of the de-cluttering process that is causing a bit of anxiety. Not to mention I’m a nut.

      • crankypants says:

        My Travel Anxiety Dreams are always that I am packing and my time is running out and if I think I am almost done then a whole bunch more crap appears that I doubt will fit in the suitcase or else I won’t be able to carry it all, and then Elvis shows up without a leash and I am going to have to carry him too. My Bathroom dreams are similar to yours, I find a bathroom but there are no normal toilets. I can’t get privacy. no doors, or else there are 2 in one stall and someone else comes in or something. And it’s weird because I’m not really that way when it comes to going. I mean yes, I like my privacy but it’s not that kind of anxiety in real life, so I guess it has more to do with privacy or something else in general. Coming out in the bathroom, hahaha!

  5. You’re a nut. I’m a nut. We’re all nuts here! πŸ™‚
    What kind are you?

  6. Nooo, don’t go there! You are in no way a hoarder—I know this, because I’ve seen photos of your house, and compared to my parents’, who are true hoarders, it’s spanking clean.

    My parents can’t throw anything away. My mother still tries to save those foam trays they package meat on. My father goes berserk when I toss out a rotten piece of vegetable or meat, and will actually fish stuff out of the garbage cart. There’s this old TV that hasn’t worked in ages that’s been sitting in their living room, and Dad refuses to let me take it to the e-waste center. Why? “Because we might need it sometime!” I also get lectured a lot on how I’m wasteful and don’t know how to save: but I think living with my folks has made me even more apt to toss stuff, even if it’s still usable. I don’t want to end up like them, drowning in my own junk.

    As for the pets: if you have the time and money to look after them, and your house doesn’t look like a giant litter box, it’s not a problem. The problem is when you can’t take care of the animals you have properly, but continue to bring home more. That’s animal hoarding. You know an animals hoarder’s house by the smell. Which I suspect is not yours.

    Judging from your recent posts, you’re probably anxious about a lot of things, and it’s bleeding into your dreams. I tend to have zombie and haunted house nightmares, or the dream about coming to school, getting lost, and then discovering there’s a test that morning and I don’t even have a pen and paper. That’s usually a signal to me that I’m under a lot of stress, and I need to calm down. Calm down, Lauri!

    • Emmy says:

      Sometimes I stare at those plastic microwave trays and think, I could use those for the cat shelter……plus it should be reused, and then I worry that I am getting hoarding thoughts, LOL! I can only speak for my own habits, but I wonder if that’s a bad sign or if it’s partly an attitude I developed at some point. I do recycle newspapers and trays, but I admit sometimes I save stuff. I banish it to a plastic bin if I do have an idea of what to do with it, so our house is clean. But I think there is a lot to that “I can’t throw it away” stuff.

      • I used to save microwave dinner trays too, when I had kids and pets. They made great trays for craft items like beads and sequins, or palettes the kids could use to mix paints. The problem is that my parents never use the stuff they save. It just piles up in some corner of the kitchen or living room, or they’ll fill a whole cabinet with it if I let them. When I first moved here, there was so much stuff in their living room, you couldn’t get to the back door. And their junk was covered in dust and spider webs, so you know they didn’t just move it there overnight. I think as long as you’re conscientious about your collecting and know when it’s time to let go, it’s fine. When you can’t walk through your house for all the junk—time for an intervention! πŸ˜€

  7. Jaypo says:

    Hoarders can’t stand anyone else touching their stuff. When you look at the puppies, ask yourself if you can offer one a good home with everything else you have. I bet you’ll say yes.

    Companion animals need alot of care and that’s wone thing you do so well. If you don’t have time to do some other things because of that, then it’s just the trade-off! Go easier on yourself. And clean when you feel like it, like you always do.

    • Lauri says:

      I need to deep breathe and calm down, for sure. Ken has been looking at puppies online like crazy, too. So….he’s definitely wanting one, too. It’s not just me. πŸ˜›
      Sigh….the crazy is catching!

  8. Emmy says:

    I think only you can answer these questions, but the fact that you’re thinking about it (and having dreams) is a good sign. I think most true hoarders need an intervention just to get themselves out of denial. I think all of us, especially pet rescuers, have struggled with chaos. Having seen photos of your house it never occured to me that you were anything but neat, but sometimes it’s inner chaos that is troublesome. I have felt that way but then looked at the practical side: do I have enough storage for the stuff I own? Do I have enough time to care for all these pets? Sometimes it’s not us but rather the cirucmstances.

    • Lauri says:

      I do have a lot of inner turmoil….it really has been a rough year. A friend pointed that out to me today. So, it’s ok for me to freak out a bit now and then. I still need to put clean laundry away, however! πŸ˜‰

      Inner chaos for the win today….but not for long!

  9. Aussie Emjay says:

    Nope – you can not claim a hoarder award. πŸ™‚ My, now deceased, neighbour was a hoarder – she had piles of things 3 & 4 ft tall all around her house, she could barely get the front door open wide enough to get through and had a small path between things for herself and her little dog to walk. When she died the task of going through her things was too overwhelming for her son and he hired a truck and crew to come in and just haul it all off to the dump.

  10. pegoftilling says:

    I have to designate zones to work on, otherwise I try to cut water and carry wood–clean a table. Clean a shelf. Deal with the shoes. One thing at a time.

    A puppy will be lucky to have you!

  11. littlemiao says:

    *hugs* I think what you need is some purr therapy with the Miaos.

    Taking a shower with a houseplant might be considered nutty by some, though. πŸ˜‰

    • Lauri says:

      Lol! Well, I don’t actually take a shower with the plant…I have a hose that brings the shower head down so I can wash the leaves with dish soap and rinse them off good!

  12. GOF says:

    As amyhftw pointed out you can’t be crazy because if you were crazy you wouldn’t know you were crazy so therefore you’re not.
    If you ever do need therapy, please check if they have a space available for me too. πŸ™‚

    Happy puppy viewing on the weekend.

    • Lauri says:

      We didn’t exactly make it to the weekend, GOF. Ken found a puppy he wanted to look at last night and well, here we are today with a new family member! And what a good boy he is!

  13. No crazier than the rest of us, I’d say πŸ˜‰ but whoa, how dreams can freak you out!! In my case t’s all the terrors of suddenly owning the place we live in – no mor “call the landlord” is anything breaks… :S but stuff is less scary in day light πŸ™‚ Enjoy the new puppy!

  14. mizunogirl says:

    SO funny that you posted this recently! I just dealt with a big batch of procrastination as well. Crazy! it must be in the air.

  15. Kathy says:

    Doesn’t sound like you’re any different than someone who works outside the home and loves her pets πŸ™‚ It is hard to get control of the clutter, no question about it. I have to take just one closet or part of a room at a time, or I start to wig out. We do have a hoarder in our family, and he never saw anything wrong with the stuff piled 3 feet deep on every floor, or the IV bags and tubes saved from hospital stays hanging up to dry in his bathroom, among endless other things. You do NOT have this disorder.

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