Enough with the fowl mouth…

Ok, I am starting to simmer down here. Yesterday was a strange day. I was an emotional wreck. I spent the day wondering if I was having a “nervous breakdown” and not just because of the computer issues. Those are peanuts in the grand scheme of things. It took until last evening for me to realize that it was ok for me to be feeling so fraught with conflicting feelings.

First and foremost, always, is the hopes/prayers/wishes for Rachel. She is being evaluated today in Houston at MD Anderson to see if anything can be done for her lymphoma. I would gladly take her place but as far as I can see trades like that aren’t allowed in this universe.

Secondly, I spent a few days at my parents’ cabin on the lake this weekend. It’s a beautiful place and one of my favorite places in the world, but the peace and contentment I used to find up there has departed for awhile. My brother had some problems back 15 years ago and I was finally learning to live with the fact that they happened…not accepting, just living with….but in the last two years more of the relatives who have cabins next to the ‘rents have found out about his problems and have asked that he not be at the cabin when they are there in the neighborhood. I have been the go between in these incidents and to tell you the truth it’s somewhat painful to be there for my parents, trying to act as if all is well, when brother’s past misdeeds are constantly brought back to mind.

Anyway…no help for that, but it did ease my mind to realize that I can feel conflicted about my beloved lake….eventually things will settle again and all should be ok.

I was also fretting about Stringbean. The long stringy boy had been missing for a week. These kittens go off on hunting expeditions and I try not to even think about it, but by day six and seven the fretting was real. Day eight, here comes String. Super thin and yowling for several meals. I have no idea if he was shut inside somewhere for a week, or if he simply got lost in the 800 wild acres across the road. He was so happy to be back he would not leave my lap most of the day and he got fed several small meals to get him back into lean stringbean shape.

He was begging to go outside again last night. Um, nope, sorry String, you have to stay home for a bit.

One exhausted Stringbean.

Alright. Thank you all for listening to my tales of woe. Sailor Babo did have a fine time at the lake, and I will post his adventures very shortly. For now, Mr. String is on my lap purring up a storm. Probably time for another feeding. πŸ™‚

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19 Responses to Enough with the fowl mouth…

  1. ladywise says:

    Uggg! I know how it is to feel conflicted. I seem to live in a constant state of it these days. It comes in like a thunderstorm and then quietly exits and you are left exhausted. It’s not easy to deal with.

    Stringbean looks exhausted. lol He must have had quite an adventure! At least he’s got a good mommy to come home to!

    Who is Rachel? I’m sorry you are having to worry about that too. Our lives never seem to just smooth out do they…

    • Lauri says:

      Rachel is the daughter of one of my dearest friends. A year and a half ago a tumor was found in her chest. She went through chemo and a bone marrow transplant and the scans declared that she was cancer free. Within three months the monster came back. It’s not responding to chemo this time and Rachel and her mom and dad flew down to Houston yesterday to MD Anderson (best thoracic lymphoma center in the country) to see if they can do anything for her. I would give anything to be able to do something for her. She is 21 years old.

      • ladywise says:

        I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how difficult that is. I hate cancer. I can’t believe that we still don’t have cures for it and preventative measures to keep us free of it in the first place. Just so sad, especially when young people get it.

  2. madtante says:

    Well, shit. Sorry, Lauri. I have been thinking about your friend and her daughter for a long time now. It’s just so shitty, I’m sorry.

    Family? HAHAHAHAHAHA. I’ll quote my buddy who says (and her family isn’t even that bad!) “Crazy always wins.” Doesn’t matter if it’s your brother’s crazy/ bad actions, your parents crazy/ trying to act like nothing’s wrong, your whoever demanding Lauri to respect their Auth-or-i-ty. Whatever. It’s all crazy and being in go-between means you get to dance everybody else’s crazy.

    Fuuuuuck that! Of course, you probably have to do–and can’t exactly say “f that.” I sure as hell don’t have any answers but it looks like it was at least a beautiful space and I’m glad your runner came back!

    • Lauri says:

      Thanks, mt! I know that everyone has family problems. Crazies, weirdos, creeps and just plain pains-in-the-arse. My parents have suffered enough from my brother’s problems and I can’t talk to them about it. I just deal with it and all the other relatives and pretend all is well.
      I was very upset wondering why my favorite lake-place was not making me happy….don’t know why it took me so long to figure out. Saaa-loooooow!

  3. Laurie says:

    I just clicked “like” on this post because of how you were able to sort through your emotional mess and figure out the components of them to understand where it came from. Any one of these factors would be enough to derail a person for a bit — all at once, you’re a champ for dealing with it. Sailor Babo’s spot there in the sunset looks so serene and comfy, that looks like a good mental “happy place” to retreat to when you need to breathe.

    • Lauri says:

      It’s strange how it all clicked into place….but it took several days. Don’t you hate those times when it feels like nothing will ever feel “right” again?
      Ah, well. Life goes on and is looking better today.

  4. Emmy says:

    LOL Fowl mouth – good one. F*** a duck – I was laughing for half the day over that one (and I can sympathize today). So sorry to hear that the lake visit was not as peaceful as it should have been – but you’re right. These things come and go, and you have the right zen mindset to roll with it as best a human being can. Go-betweens always have really raw, unfair deals in life. And more prayers to Rachel. I really hope she gets better.

    Good wishes for Stringbean – glad he’s back and safe! We’re hoping to build an indoor enclosure for our cats, we leash walk them but they would love more outdoor time, but it’s not an easy structure to make. Still, with all the cat diseases and dogs around here…….

    • Lauri says:

      Heehee….it really felt sort of good venting yesterday. But, I should really have more sympathy for ducks than that!

      We live on 10 acres and each of our neighbors has ten acres…all the way down the road, so forcing the cats to remain inside is pretty much hopeless. I would if we lived in the city.
      The three kittens are the only ones that disappear for a day or two. I do believe they are playiing “wild cat” and seeing if they can live off the land.

  5. Jaypo says:

    Hug dat stringy boy and don’t let him do that again!

    Sispo and I have to give papapo frequent talkings-to about how upset and frazzled he gets over the smallest iota or interference in his rhythm. It’s great reminding ourselves of all we tend to forget. The best is–it’s ok to feel a lot of conflicting feelings, even minute to minute. And not all feelings are meant to be acted on. It’s crazy times, larui. Thanks for being such a sensitive and honest hooman. I’m glad you got throught that ok.

    • Lauri says:

      Thanks, jaypo! It was SO nice talking to you….I was in the car with my mom and dad headed out to breakfast when you called. It definitely gave my day an upswing!

      I do love that advice that “all feelings are not meant to be acted on”. It’s so wise and true. Sometimes being still and letting them wash over and past us is best.

  6. e2thec says:

    oh L, I feel you…. all of this is stressful, no question. I think I would just tell the relatives to go and jump in the blasted lake (or at least, I’d really feel like I wanted to…).

    glad you’re doing OK, and no wonder you’re feeling kind of overwhelmed, with all this plus being tired and sh*t.

  7. kimkiminy says:

    Great lake shot with Sailor Babo! Gracie will also disappear for days on end, probably on hunting expeditions or booty calls, or both. That is one tie-tie kitteh!

  8. I clicked the “Like” button because Sailor Babo looked so happy. I’m really sorry you weren’t: family vacations are a mixed bag. For a long time I refused to travel with any relatives except for my own children. Your brother….well, I can empathize. I find myself apologizing for mine, then get mad because I shouldn’t, since he doesn’t deserve forgiveness from anyone. In Asian culture however, when one person in your family screws up, the whole family gets “marked” by it. I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with your family, but ((hugs)) for you, Lauriroo. And positive thoughts for Rachel in Texas!

  9. GOF says:

    Sorry that other things have intruded on your lake serenity….what a beautiful place.
    Keep stuffing Stringbean with food so he can go on another adventure.
    My best wishes also go to Rachel.

  10. Lurkertype says:

    I think Sailor Babo is a good example for all of us — he grows where he’s planted, and enjoys whatever, wherever, whoever! Sure, he gets a little pushy, and there’s never enough cookies for him, but other than that he’s a Zen little dude.

    So glad String is back, silly boy!

    Will keep hoping for the best for Rachel — glad she’s going to be inside nice air-conditioned hospitals since it’s a rotten time to be in Texas!

  11. Here I am, late as usual for my friend……Dammit……is all I have to say on the one matter…
    The other is you’re OK
    You are fantastic
    and a wonderful, loving, terrific,Mom, wife, friend, neighbor etc,etc,etc
    Here’s to you my friend..crack a bottle open, I’ll be right there “hugs”

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